Good Cop, Bad Cop

Till date there have been 8-10 short-term turned long-term guests in place, new students straight from India, new employees from other cities, friends, friends of friends and others. Birmingham is a lovely city (if not the loveliest, and I’m gonna drop a 200 lb weight on the head of the person who asks me next, if people live here).

I live in the south (and have lived in the south in the past), so southern hospitality is a genetic quality I have, (south-Indian born and bred, south of US lived, officially 4 years and 8 days). Mostly new students find an apartment and leave in less than a week, it’s surprising, they usually do so with little or no help, others who come to work in B’ham….hmmmm

Everyone who drops in doesn’t want to leave this house. A comfortable 2 bath-2 bed villa that I love, a kitchen which actually IS a kitchen. I wonder if it is a compliment to my hospitality, but after some time you wish your temporary guest lives up to his name, that of being temporary and not make his residence permanent. So after a comfortable 2 week stay, we start our “mind games” as SKA calls it, the first being Good cop, Bad Cop.

One of us (me or my roomie, MOMR as I’ll call it) walks up to the guest and ask him what the other MOMR has asked him about the guest’s accommodation plans, and then a small warning, if I were you I would start looking RIGHT NOW. If he (MOMR) talks to you, he will be very straight forward and honest, no one before you has stayed here for more than 1 hr after that conversation, more so, he will find the earliest ruse to drop you off in a new apartment whether you like it or not.

50% of the times it works, if not Phase 2.

A simple straight conversation with two options, find one of your own apt. or let me find one for you, a 2 year lease, breaking it is next to visiting hell, a roomie who doesn’t cook, no car for anyone in the room, apt doesn’t have good maintenance, far far away from where ever you have to work. And the final blow, he is not from Andhra Pradesh (funny, but sometimes this is the most devastating reason, people just freak out, I don’t understand why but still I’m glad it works).

30% of the remaining dudes are filtered here.

Phase 3.

Running and all hyper and tense……..He’s coming, He’s coming.

Who?

Landlord, if he sees you all hell will break loose..

Err…why?

WHY?? He will kick us out of this house, we will loose our deposit, we might be sued, we will never get another apartment in Birmingham…..

What do I do?

Find a place within 2 days and leave.

2 days? Maybe next weekend…

Omigosh, omigosh, my phone is ringing, it’s him it’s him.

Ok, ok, what do I do?

Find a place within 1 day…

Ok..Ok…I’ll start packing,

We haven’t touched phase 4 ever, and have learnt to say No, even if it’s a tad rude. Saves a lot of trouble.

I sometimes wonder, but never regret helping them. We ought to look out for each other, but not break our backs with the weight we bear.

Ain’t ya’ll pleased with my southern hospitality.

Update:

Shashi Tharoor defines hospitality here

Hospitality: Is the great Indian virtue, practised indiscriminately and unhesitatingly irrespective of such unworthy considerations as whether one can afford it. Indians throw open their doors to strangers, offering their time, their food and the use of their homes at the drop of a mat. After dowry, hospitality is probably the greatest single cause of Indian indebtedness. There is one catch, though: we are usually hospitable only to those we consider our social equals or betters. Oddly enough, foreigners inevitably seem to qualify.
–

No, I cannot consider social equality, anyone coming in is the same but about phoreners it’s a whole different issue with me, they DO NOT qualify for temporary accomodation, you see I’m the guest then.